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Honeysuckle

Lingering sweetness.
Dark tendrils at my feet.
Just out of reach.

The scent of honeyed nectar bathes my senses in sunset and summer breezes.
Death, my constant companion, ever present as the branches I hold shatter.
Within my chest a grief wells up threatening to overtake me.

A river too deep to wade;
I walk away.

Behind these eyes I emerge from a chrysalis covered in the leavings of the womb.
The blood drips from my extended arms in the shape of wings.
I am vulnerable here.
Knowing. Fear. Grief.
Love. Joy.
Dare I say Joy?

Foot steps in the void thrum within my chest as gongs. Silent. But getting faster.
Insecurity boils within me.
I walk away.

In the darkness of my solidarity.
I sit within my grief.
A red beast rising from the depths to drag me under.
I release myself from battle and accept the fate that grief holds for me.
As if for the first my knees buckle under the weight of it.
Deep. Red. Angry. Hungry.
Here we meet and we are one.
We are all welcome here.
I feel the deep rivulets of grief wash over me.
Like a heavy caress.

I hold my grief as a mother comforting a child.
I pour love into it with tears as they fall.
Joy rests within me. Raw. Unguarded.
Surrounded by the bones of the demons that I’ve laid bare.

If I am not afraid to fall will I not rise?
Can I hold fear with love and hold joy in time with my grief?

I am cold as I envelop myself in a warmth of kindness.
I am afraid as I hold myself in love.
I am the child and I am the mother.
I hold my joy to the heavens and watch as each facet shines new light on my heart.
I dare joy to be one with us.
Welcome home.

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